I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
