Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
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