I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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