I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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