3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I hate all girls vehemently.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
