I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
