Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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