So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize