I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
