I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
