You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
