Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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