apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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