did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
