Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
