I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
