thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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