She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
