i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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