i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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