do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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