we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
