Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize