i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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