I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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