He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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