Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
