I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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