So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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