Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize