I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
