ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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