and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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