i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Drake has all the answers
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
