I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
