that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
