so let's talk penis.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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