She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
