I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
