I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
