Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
