Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
