Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
