so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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