Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize