I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Your penis caused this!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
