Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
