omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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