he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I got inside last night via doggy door
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
