He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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