I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I am mentally ready for anal.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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