Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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