Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
