I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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