I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
