Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
