I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
