By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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