whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
