anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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