there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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