White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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