Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
