So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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