Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize