Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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