i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize