as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
