i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize