Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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