does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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