The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
