Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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