The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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