2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The air was thick with penises
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
