we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
