loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
