i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
