your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize