I'm sorry my penis didn't work
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
