He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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