so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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