Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
