she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
