tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
