a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
