...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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