Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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