cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
