You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
