He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
