I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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