Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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