Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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