i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
