So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
