Nicole vs. Life
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
