Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
