I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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