I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
