Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
