just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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