I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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