..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
