That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
