If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
