I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
