apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
