My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
