What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
