you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize